missing him loads!

he is unbearably cute..huhu

"Ayah" "Lori" "Cici (ie makcik!hehe)

Heheh. Those were among the words that blurted out of his mouth this afternoon. Finally, i got to hear him talk! Haish. Aqef Iman..why do you have to be so cute!? Missing you LOADS. can't wait to see you this summer holiday, eventhough i think i will be alienated by him as he might see me as a stranger. huhu. nyways, i still can't wait to go home!! weee~

Nursing home..

Dr Holmes brought me to a nursing home last Tuesday. I've never been to one before, but to be frank, I always had an ugly picture of it in my mind. And mind you, now that i've been there and witnessed it with my very own eyes, i am afraid i have to say the ugly picture that i had in my mind is true after all. It is an ugly place to live in. Not ugly, as in figuratively ugly. Huhu. But literally speaking, i would never want my parents to ended up there one day. If i live long enough, this is a vow that i am going to make to myself.

I found the visit quite depressing. To start with, the first patient that i saw just passed away. 20 minutes ago, she was talking, breathing and fine. The next 2o minutes, she was pale and stone cold. She was gone. Just like that.

The only thing that popped up in my mind back then was fear. Not that i fear of dead bodies (I was left alone with her body for a few minutes while the doctor and nurse ran out of the room to get gloves. uhuh)

I fear of death. Knowing that the clock is ticking, but the good deeds that i have done is too little if compared to my mountain-high sins.

Nothing is guaranteed in this life.

You are not guaranteed to have a successful life.

You are not guaranteed to have a blissful wedded life.

You are not guaranteed to have a continuous prosperous health and wealth.

Heck, you are not even guaranteed the next breath!

If He wants to take it from you, then He will take it from you. Cry all you want. Run as fast as you can. Fight as hard as you like. But if He wants to make things happen, then He will make things happen. Kun Fayakun..

Anyway, regarding the nursing home..

Obviously, the residence of the nursing home are the elderly. Old and crippled. Left all alone to die in the nursing home.

My heart was ripped even just to see them.

Everyone was sitting in the living room. The television is on, but nobody seems to care with what's going on with the world anymore. Why would anyone care who's going out with who or whats hot on movies right now or whatnot. Nobody seems to be interested to talk. Everyone just slumped in the huge armchair and stared out of the window. Silence. Pure silence. You could drop a bomb in the centre of the room, but i doubt a muscle will even twitch. The emptiness look in their face just strangled my emotion. I was choked by my own emotion..

Their bedrooms. Oh god. That even saddens me more. Some of them are too tired or too ill to move out of the bed, so they rested in their room instead. Their fragile body lie frailly on the bed, staring at the empty ceiling. Most of them, in fact, i think all of them, have pictures of their children and even grandchildren proudly standing on the bedside table. My aching heart flickered, 'Where are they? How can they live their mother or father to live all by his/herself in a nursing home?"

They are weak. Fragile. Half of their memory is gone. They can't eat as much. They can't talk as much. They can't even wash themselves! There's nothing much that they can do but to lie around. As if waiting for their time to come. And this just reminds me of this verse from Surah Yaasin.

" Dan sesiapa yang kami panjangkan umurnya, Kami kembalikan kepada asal kejadiannya (serba lemah) ; mengapa mereka tidak memikirkan?" Surah Yaasin: 68

A small token of advice for my sister =)

This post especially goes to my little sister (even tho u are not that LITTLE anymore, but u r still little to me! ehhe).

Nur Ili Izyan Romli

The anxiousness. The sweaty palms. The churning stomach. The dry mouth. The restlessness. The racing heart. Argh, I know these feeling. And oh-i-hate-them so! The so-called exam syndrome, which i am sure everyone despise. hehe. If you are having either one (or even all!) of these symptoms, fret not dearie. You are considered to be a normal mortal. hehe.

IB exam is this coming Wednesday, ait? Til 23 May rite? Mama and papa has been fussing me to give u a call to give u motivation for this exam. Everytime i call home, they would pester me to call u. Haha. I know ive rang u yesterday, and gave u some advice ( that is if u can call them advice! hehe). And i doubt u will even have the time to even read this post of mine. But i am still going to write it anyway.

You can do it, girl. I know you can. Mama & papa know you can. Kak sa, Elly, Eza, Yana and even pak mad know you can. And most importantly, even YOU know you can. We've seen how you work before this. You, bab study ni, memang i pon kalah kot. hehe. No doubt, insyaAllah, Allah will help you to get through this. He had even helped you to glide through the 2 horrifying years (thats how uve been describing it. hehe) in KMB. So, just pray and pray more, mek, that He will help you still for the exams.

If you think you can't do it, then you are wrong. Like i've said on the phone, the majority of the IB students managed to pass the exams. And we are no different than you. You have what we have. And we have what you have. There is nothing that we have more or less than you. We've made it to UK, and so can you beb. So can you =)

Just believe in yourself. Usaha selagi mana mampu.

I always remember back when i was in my early teens, if i complain kata

"Papa, paper maths tu susah gila.huhu"

He will always reply

"Mana ada paper yang susah. Tak susah. Cuma mencabar je."

Maybe that's not his exact words, but the essence is there. You get what i mean don't u. And believe it or not, that helps me a lot. Nothing is difficult. Challenging maybe. But not difficult. A challenge is something that we can counter. It is something that we HAVE to counter. If we think of it as a challenge, we will automatically push ourselves to the very limit to try to get through it kan? But, if we think of it as a difficulty, we might see it as an obstacle. An obstacle which might bring us down, hence hindering us from getting what we would like to achieve. That's just my interpretation of his saying though. hehe.

I know how Maths subject is haunting u up til now. So, if you find one of the papers to be challenging, don't let it get into you. You still have two more papers to sit for. Just don't let your feelings to conquer you ok mek? Even if you feel like you can't go on no more, just stop. Take a deep breath. And remember that Allah is always there for you. No matter what. Cry if you must. That helps me a lot. hehe. Cry and plea all you want. If you find the whole world pushing you down to your knees, then believe me sister, you are in the best position to pray. So pray and plea to Him all you want. For now, papa or mama or even me can't even do anything to help you. He is the one and solely help that you have. And believe me, He listens..

I wish for nothing but for the very best for you, izyan. I sincerely hope you and mek eza will be joining me here next year. we can have a mini romlis reunion here then! heheheh. How lovely will that be! yay!!! hehe.

Ok la. All the best, dear. You know we all love you. So tak yah stress stress ok. heheh. =)

Muaaaahh. Huggsss. Rinduuuu.

Signing off,
Your sister who can't wait for the summer break,
Aliaa