Sesat dan sesat lagi.

Today is Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday. And the day of tomorrow is Sunday. And a day after Sunday will be my last day of 2 weeks holiday. And i SO do not want this holiday to end. I have been having loads and loads of fun that i am feeling extremely reluctant to return to doing placements again! Argh. But my rational head reminds me that that is SO not logical, aliaa dearie. You live for a purpose, not to play and roll around and having fun all the time. Allah does not create you in this world for that purpose, aliaa.

So, realizing that my holiday is about to come to its end, i decided to push myself to be a bit more productive. I had been lazing around (and when i say lazing around, i mean seriously lazing around not wanting to do anything at all!) for days. Hehe. My GP placement begins on Tuesday, but I only have to go to practice on Wednesday as we have introductory lectures on Tuesday. As i am fully aware of how bad i am with directions (i almost always managed to get lost. haha) , i thought it would be wise for me to go and find the place of my GP placement today, which is a place that i have never heard of before.

Swallownest Health Centre, S26 BG.

That's the only direction that was given by medical school. Useful, uhuh (read with sarcastic note to have the full effect. hehe). Hence, i had to ransack the ever so useful WWW for the directions to go there. Confused, I was. I initially had no idea where to go and how to go there. Blindly, I just searched on the internet for the best method of transportation to go there. It took me good 2 hours just to find the near-perfect solution. Hence, after the headaches, i was decided. I will take First bus from Sheffield Interchange to Swallownest High Street. That is the fastest and most convenient route for me. Determined, I hopped on the next tram and found myself on the 23A First bus to Rotherham.

First of all, I had no idea where this place is. So, i had no idea where to stop. I only had the name of the stop, which did not give much of a help. I still was clueless when to ring the buzzer to stop the bus. And, secondly, i was on my own. Oh well, this still needs to be done. Better get lost now than later. huhu. My eyes frantically searched for the word swallownest high street at each bus stops, fearing i might miss it. Yet still, i did.

Huhu. There was only the word High Street stated at the bus stop, so assuming that it was not the one, i continued further. Once when the bus had started to pass Worksop bus stop, i had this uneasy feeling. The feeling which signaled me that i might have missed the stop. Oh well, without much fuss, I got off the bus on the next stop (which is very FAR away from the High St bus stop!) . The weather was lovely and i was feeling quite good in myself, so i did not complain of having to walk a few extra miles.

After about 10 minutes walk, i got to the right bus stop. Right. According to the google map, i have to head southeast and then turn left when i found Florence Ave. Confident with my not-so-good bearing, i walked along the road. I walked up and down the hill, assuring myself that i will find it soon. However, after long minutes of walking, i realized that i am going no where. In fact, i realized that i was actually walking in circles! Argh. Somehow, stupid-me refused to ask any of the passerby for direction. I assured myself, ok lets do this one more time. Then, if i get lost again, i'll get some help. Again, i tried to follow the instructions provided my the google map dutifully, and again, surprise surprise, i found myself lost in the middle of swallownest.

Ok. Don't panic. I rang Elly, trying to get some help. She told me to ask the local people as they will know better than her. Obviously, she was correct. Hence, defeated, i walked around the Coopland and managed to bump into a man, who seems nice enough to approach. And, alhamdulillah, he was a very very nice man.

He insisted on showing me the way despite the fact that he did not know where it was. In fact, he was the one who asked around for directions for me. First, he asked this couple, and then a group of young lads joined the discussion. Funny, seeing how all of them trying to solve my problem. Alhamdulillah, one of the lads know where it was and showed me the direction. Apparently, i had been walking towards the opposite direction! No wonder i failed to find the place! Huhu.

Perhaps the nice old man noticed the confused look on my face when the young man explained to me how to get there. Hence, he offered to drive me there. I know, i know. We are not supposed to trust strangers. Let alone to accept the offer to ride on the car with a stranger whom ive just got to know a few minutes ago. But, i was too knackered at that time. My legs were aching, and i guess without thinking much, i accepted this man's offer. He seems nice, but again, i know, looks can be deceiving. Huhu. I know, that was a stupid and risky thing to do, but i did not have much choice. I was too tired..But then, all in all, he drove me safely to the health centre and even showed to me the direction to go home. Such a nice guy, he was. I owe him big time..

And now i know where to go on Wednesday. Despite the laziness which is conquering me right now, i am quite looking forward for this placement. I want to be the best. I want to strive for the best. InsyaAllah, with His help, i will. =)

Germany =)

Yippee! Hehe

19 Apr to 22 Apr 2008. I was in Germany. Happy, I was. Even though i just spent my 4 days in Hannover, the trip was worthwhile. I was happy to be away from UK, even if it is just for a short period of time. I need to breathe some fresh air. Hehe. As if Sheffield's air has already gone stale.

On the first night I arrived Germany, i had experienced a 'tinge' of German culture. huhu. We were on the train, traveling from Flughafen Bremen to Hannover. It was almost 12 + ish am. We were practically drained and sleepy. All i can think of at that time is bed! hehe. Emy was happily chatting away with her friend, when suddenly a group of guys dressed up in 'abnormal' clothing walked towards our coach. One of the guy actually dressed up as a chicken! hehe. The other guys dressed up in some sort of lab coat, if im not mistaken. They were all obviously quite drunk. Laughing and talking rather loudly amongst themselves.

When suddenly, the chicken-guy approached Emy's friend, who can speak fluent Deutsch. He tried to sold us some beers, which obviously we turned down. Then he sold us two bars of snickers for the price of 40 cents. haha. Then, he suddenly fixed his gaze on me & Emy, and suddenly insisted on sitting in between us! Oh gosh. Emy, somehow, managed to jump off her seat and saved herself from this chicken guy. But I, however, was too flabbergasted at that moment. I found myself too shock to move. Hence, this chicken guy placed his big chicken butt on the chair next to me. Whilst holding a beer on one hand, he hugged my shoulder with his other hand.

I was completely taken off guard at that time. I felt like screaming 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, what do you think you are doing!Get your hands off me!!" But obviously i did not said that out loud. I was too stunned at that time. He must had realized that my whole body stiffened when he hugged me, hence he started to give my shoulder a rub, as if telling me to relax. Relax was the last thing that i could do at that time. I found myself getting more & more stiffer by minutes. Haha. He somehow was so excited, that he wanted to snap pictures of us together. I was like, ok. Hahah. And so we did.

Apparently, this chicken guy is getting married in a few weeks time. So, to celebrate his last few days of celibacy, he dressed up as a chicken and socialized around on a train, talking to passengers, with his fellow friends. hahah. That was what he said as a German's culture. So, there you have it. A tinge of German's culture on my first few hours in German. Hehe. Talk about experience!

Apart from that, I had a splendid time in Hannover. Even though we did not manage to go to Berlin, but i did enjoy the short stay. We risked our lives driving a motor boat around a lake for an hour without wearing a life jacket, ate ice cream everyday under the hot burning sun, went for shades-hunting for almost 2 hours in every shop that we entered, went bowling, played pool which i managed to win once, did loads of 'jumping' action in the Garden, mistaken shark for jaws in SeaLife and tried to do some shopping in Zara, MNG, Esprit and Guess which failed successfully. hehe. Anyhow, i loved it. Thanks to Emy and her friend for the wonderful hospitality.

Doctors make the worst patients

"Doctors make the worst patients"

I am sure this statement is agreed by all. huhu. And, i, myself, ALMOST became a part of the statement. I know i am not a doctor, YET. But, the incident yesterday just scares me how much of it is true.

I had to go and get my blood taken yesterday at NGH. I arrived around 1030, settled my cancelled appointment with Dr Gray, and waited in the waiting room. Number 66. I heard the nurses calling out the number 59. "Ok, this is not so bad. Within a few more minutes i'll be out of here" I grinned happily to myself.

You see, i religiously came here to get my bloods taken once every 3 months. For each visit, i came as early as around 9 am, thinking that if i came early, it will be done and over with soon. But, man was i wrong. Everytime i got there at 9 am, the waiting room will already by packed with more or less 40 patients! And, i ended up having to wait for an hour and a half for my turn! And yesterday, i came around 1030, thinking that it would take ages for me to be called, but alhamdulillah, it turned out to be the other way round. hehe.

Anyway, back to the story that i am about to tell. huhu. I was lost in the world of Tess Gerritsen when i suddenly heard the number 64 called. I had to force myself to close the book and shove it in my handbag. I took out the letter from Dr Gray and the blood form from the brown envelope, and waited tentatively for number 66 to be called. After 2-3 minutes, i heard number 65 being called. From what my school teacher had taught me in primary school, number 66 comes after 65. So, I was about to stand up to get myself ready to go into the blood room when i suddenly heard the number 67 being called instead! Huh? I was dumbfounded. What happened to number 66? Did i not hear it being called or did they just simply forgot that number 66 comes first before 67?!

My face must have looked extremely astonished, that a nurse asked me if there's anything wrong. hahah. I showed to her my number, and said that my number was not called. She looked extremely sorry, and coincidentally, a nursing student walked pass me. She grabbed him, and told him to look after me. He introduced himself as a nursing student and asked for my consent. I was cool with that. I used to be in his shoes, having to practice my venepuncture skills on patients.

So, there i was, sitting on the comfy seat, exposing my arms. Waiting to be punctured. I found myself unconsciously watching what the student nurse is doing. He politely asked for my name and date of birth. After confirming that he had got the right patient, he went straight to my arms. Trying to find the most suitable vein. And he seemed to be satisfied with the vein on my left arm, and i had no objection to that.

After he had put on the armband on my left arm, he immediately reached for the needle and aimed for my vein. I was like, "oh wait, where's the alcohol swab? Why aren't you cleaning my targeted vein with the alcohol swab. What if the bacteria around the area contaminate the needle, and that will cost me infection!" But don't worry, i did not said it out loud. I was just screaming inside my small heart.

And yes, he proceed without applying the alcohol swab. I watched carefully when he poked the needle into my vein. "Sharp scratch", he said. I smiled, recognizing that 'script'. Hehe. He seemed to be confident with what he was doing, until he realized that no blood was actually coming out into the tube. He started to panic and started to enhance the needle further into my vein. I watched 2/3 of the needle making its way into my vein. And i was like, "oh no, stop! The needle has passed my vein, thats why you can't get any blood out. You need to withdraw the needle a bit". And again, no, i did not said it out loud. Huhu. Thankfully, i managed to bit my tongue and kept quiet.

Realizing that no blood is coming out, he had to withdraw the whole needle out of my vein, and redo the whole procedure again. Huhu. Now i know what my patients feel like when i failed to get it on the first try. haha. Certainly NOT a pleasant exprience! hehe. This makes me realize how kind of them to offer themselves to be battered by us, non-experienced medical students. Despite knowing the big risk that they are getting themselves into, they still allow us to do whatever we think is right to them!! How sweet of them.

Living in hall experience.

Even since i first stepped foot on Sheffield's soil, i had lived in a house. I had never lived in a hall before, and hence had no clue what it actually feels like to live in one. My friends have shared their hall-living experiences before, and to be frank, some of them do sound scary. haha. And i guess, to hear it from others and to experience it by oneself are two different things. And Allah has somehow planned for me to experience it myself, without having to live in student hall.

I had to live in a student accommodation when i was in Doncaster for my paeds placement. I had to share 4 bathrooms and 2 kitchen with 20 other medical students (3rd years and above). And hence, i got to feel what its like to live in a hall. This hall is a mixed hall. Yes, you got it right. Us boys and girls have to live under one roof. huhu. In fact, both of the rooms next to mine were occupied by the males. huhu. And my room had been accidentally 'invaded' by them. The funny thing was we have our names printed on the door of our rooms. So, i think it should be IMPOSSIBLE for us to mistakenly walked into another person's room. But, there was this one guy who kept walking into my room, claiming the incidents to be accidental! Hello, can't you read. The door says NUR ROMLI. Not Chuck! He walked in once when i was on my way back from toilet, and the second time when i was in the room, thankfully behind the door! He just laughed his head off everytime he did that, as if that was hilarious. That was nothing but funny, ok. After those two terrifying experiences, i never failed to ensure my door was locked everytime i went in and out of the room.

And now, my favourite topic of the day. The kitchen. The kitchen that had to be shared with 20 other medics. Despite the huge number of students sharing the kitchen, we were provided with 2 mini fridges only. Can you just imagine how all of our stuffs have to be crammed in 2 fridges. Apparently, all 20 of us were passionate milk consumer. So all 20 of us had had to buy at least 1 L pint of milk each (interesting how neither of us had thought of the idea of sharing!). And to actually crammed all of them in 2 mini fridges certainly requires skill! haha. And somehow, we managed. And, to put food in fridge is one thing, to take it out is another pain in the butt! huhu. It sometimes can take forever trying to find your food in the piles of food crammed in the small fridge. Believe me, it was like finding a needle in a hay stick. If you are lucky enough, you will find your food in one piece. And sometimes, you just can't find your food no matter how thorough you search for it because the food is already resting in peace in someone elses' tummy! huhu. How irresponsible some can be.

The kitchen itself is fine, superb even. It is just the people who were using it that gave me the headache. Don't get me started on the unwashed dishes, or the uncleaned table. And, the final years somehow just love to hang around in the kitchen for AGES, and this just hindered us from cooking our meal in harmony. If there were only 2 or 3 of them, i am cool with it. BUT, this is like 5-6 of them, cramping in the small kitchen. If they are cooking or eating their meals, that's fine. But noooo. Instead of loitering in the HUGE tv lounge which is just a few steps away from the kitchen, they chose to play blackjack or read magazines or gossip or even do their revisions in the kitchen. As a result, we had no space to cook. Consequently, we had to wait for them to leave the kitchen before we can start cooking our meal. And that, mind you, can take forever. huhu.

Oh gosh. that was just some of my experience of living in a hall. Thankfully it was just for 7 weeks.

A dog's glare..

I was sitting on a bench, enjoying the fresh air, with a friend in a park one day when we saw a woman walking a dog a few yards in front of us. My friend said " Look at that dog! Its HUGE" I agreed that it was huge, and even uttered something which i should not have " Ohmigod, where is his head? I can't even see it" And we had a laugh about it.

A few minutes later, the woman and the huge black dog walked towards our bench. Somehow, the dog was extremely close to us when it walked passed by the bench we were sitting. As it walked pass me, i could swear, it stopped and looked at me straight into the eye. At that time, I did not think of anything else but fear. I feared the dog would jump on me or rip me apart or do whatever dogs do. huhu. But alhamdulillah, nothing like that happened.

Later on, when I was praying my Isya' prayers with my housemate, the image of the dog's eyes somehow popped into my head. My heart suddenly wretched when I remembered my comment towards the dog. I know, it is just a dog. It has no feelings like humans do. But, it does not deserve such a comment from me. I am a human being with a brain, who knows that everything on this Earth is created by Him, Allah Al Mighty. I should have known that to show disdain to a dog is to show disdain to His creation. In other words, to show disdain to Him. Astaghfirullahal'azim.

I felt extremely bad right now. And i am sure this is not the first time for me to do such a thing. To give such a ruthless comment on people or animals or any living creature surrounding me without much thought. I can bet you that i have done this shameful act thousands and thousands of times, let it be with or without conscious. Am I SO great that i am allowed to look down on others? I must be stupid to think that I am..

The dog's glare simply reminds me of my carelessness. Huhu.

Just a piece of reminder for all of those who are lovely enough to read my blog. huhu =)

So, why do u want to be a doctor?

"So, we will start off with you. Why do you want to be a doctor?"

Asked Dr Wahl. Damn it. I was put on the hotseat. And i was not prepared. Sophie and Mani turned their heads to me, waiting for me to give an answer.

Well, to be clear, we were having one of our ILA tutorials. The tutorial handled by Dr Wahl is regarding jaundice. But, unlike many other registrars or SHO, he told us beforehand that he would like to handle the ILA session differently. He did not want to spoonfeed us. Fair enough. I am starting to dislike being spoonfed as well. I have no objection for that. He wanted us to be like a doctor; think like one, and act like one. Before he proceed with the tutorial, he wanted us to clear our minds, seek for the reason on why we have chosen to become a doctor in the first place. The reason which i have failed to find.

As I was sitting right next to Dr Wahl, i was the first to be picked. Wearing a pink scarf and a pink blouse on that day also helped to make me stand out of the crowd, i guess. huhu. I was silent for the first few minutes. I tried to crack my brain, trying to find an answer to the simple question asked by this German doctor. A question which once I know the answer of (it was once a favourite question for our university interview admission. huhu). Out of desperation, I blurted out "I love Biology, thats why i do medicine" A lame answer. I know. And surprise, surprise, Dr Wahl did not looked impressed. The look on his face said it all. Oh gosh, why oh why did I give such an answer. He must have thought that i am not really into medicine.

As he proceed asking my other colleagues the same question, I found myself asking myself again the same question. WHY AM I DOING MEDICINE? To be extremely frank, i did not choose to do medicine out of interest. Well, not out of MY interest, to be exact. It was more of a family encouragement. BUT, once i started to learn medicine, i fall in love with it. I do, i really do. Despite all of the whining and crying and whatsnot, i enjoy what i am doing. And hopefully, this enthusiasm does not run dry.

Anyway, after all of us have given an answer to the question, Dr Wahl asked

"Who did medicine because (s)he got good grades and do medicine because that is the only option available?"

Silence filled the air. I almost lifted my hands in the air. Well, my grades are not THAT good, but well, at least the latter part is true. I tried to avoid his gaze, fearing that the look on my face will easily says YES, THATS ME! huhu.

He asked again,

"Who did medicine because there is someone in the family who is a doctor? "

And then he continued

"Who did medicine because of fame and reputation?"

Obviously, if anyone of us agreed to that will deserve a smack on the face. hahaha.

Realizing all three of us were avoiding his gaze and were refusing to answer his questions, he said

"If you do medicine because you got good grades, than you are NOT smart. Clever, maybe, but NOT smart. There is a difference between smart and clever. Smart people knows how to live. They know how to make money. Faster and much easier way."

"If you do medicine because of fame and reputation, then you are wrong. Not because ethically it is wrong, but because you are PLAIN wrong. A doctor is badly treated in the society. Forget about fame and reputation. If that is what you think being a doctor is all about, then you are living in your own unrealistic world"

"So, now, try to refresh your memory on why you want to be a doctor. Because if you do it for the wrong reason, you might not enjoy being one and might suffer in the end. Decide now before it is too late!"

His words left us (or me at least) at awe. He made me rethink the reason why i have chosen this thorny path. He may not be a Muslim, but his words remind me the importance of having the right intention in everything that we do. Niat is everything.

I realized that ive been whining and complaining and crying a lot about medicine. Having to be away from Sheffield, not having to have a proper meal for dinner, having to do this and do that, not being able to do this and do that, and yadayadayada. Oh gosh, I am such a whiner! But, what i failed to appreciate is that i am able to learn medicine. To learn about human body. To learn about His wonderful creation which no other human being is able to immitate despite the great explosion of science and technology. And, as cliche' as it sounds, to learn medicine means to save lives, with His willing. This might be the only way for me to contribute to the society. To make change to the world. To promote world peace. Haha. Ok. That's too much. A bit too Miss Universe kinda speech. Hehe. But I do meant most of it.

Dr Wahl need not say or do more to impress me. I was impressed, and was motivated to work even harder to sail through this rocky journey. With His help, InsyaAllah, impossible is nothing.