So, why do u want to be a doctor?

"So, we will start off with you. Why do you want to be a doctor?"

Asked Dr Wahl. Damn it. I was put on the hotseat. And i was not prepared. Sophie and Mani turned their heads to me, waiting for me to give an answer.

Well, to be clear, we were having one of our ILA tutorials. The tutorial handled by Dr Wahl is regarding jaundice. But, unlike many other registrars or SHO, he told us beforehand that he would like to handle the ILA session differently. He did not want to spoonfeed us. Fair enough. I am starting to dislike being spoonfed as well. I have no objection for that. He wanted us to be like a doctor; think like one, and act like one. Before he proceed with the tutorial, he wanted us to clear our minds, seek for the reason on why we have chosen to become a doctor in the first place. The reason which i have failed to find.

As I was sitting right next to Dr Wahl, i was the first to be picked. Wearing a pink scarf and a pink blouse on that day also helped to make me stand out of the crowd, i guess. huhu. I was silent for the first few minutes. I tried to crack my brain, trying to find an answer to the simple question asked by this German doctor. A question which once I know the answer of (it was once a favourite question for our university interview admission. huhu). Out of desperation, I blurted out "I love Biology, thats why i do medicine" A lame answer. I know. And surprise, surprise, Dr Wahl did not looked impressed. The look on his face said it all. Oh gosh, why oh why did I give such an answer. He must have thought that i am not really into medicine.

As he proceed asking my other colleagues the same question, I found myself asking myself again the same question. WHY AM I DOING MEDICINE? To be extremely frank, i did not choose to do medicine out of interest. Well, not out of MY interest, to be exact. It was more of a family encouragement. BUT, once i started to learn medicine, i fall in love with it. I do, i really do. Despite all of the whining and crying and whatsnot, i enjoy what i am doing. And hopefully, this enthusiasm does not run dry.

Anyway, after all of us have given an answer to the question, Dr Wahl asked

"Who did medicine because (s)he got good grades and do medicine because that is the only option available?"

Silence filled the air. I almost lifted my hands in the air. Well, my grades are not THAT good, but well, at least the latter part is true. I tried to avoid his gaze, fearing that the look on my face will easily says YES, THATS ME! huhu.

He asked again,

"Who did medicine because there is someone in the family who is a doctor? "

And then he continued

"Who did medicine because of fame and reputation?"

Obviously, if anyone of us agreed to that will deserve a smack on the face. hahaha.

Realizing all three of us were avoiding his gaze and were refusing to answer his questions, he said

"If you do medicine because you got good grades, than you are NOT smart. Clever, maybe, but NOT smart. There is a difference between smart and clever. Smart people knows how to live. They know how to make money. Faster and much easier way."

"If you do medicine because of fame and reputation, then you are wrong. Not because ethically it is wrong, but because you are PLAIN wrong. A doctor is badly treated in the society. Forget about fame and reputation. If that is what you think being a doctor is all about, then you are living in your own unrealistic world"

"So, now, try to refresh your memory on why you want to be a doctor. Because if you do it for the wrong reason, you might not enjoy being one and might suffer in the end. Decide now before it is too late!"

His words left us (or me at least) at awe. He made me rethink the reason why i have chosen this thorny path. He may not be a Muslim, but his words remind me the importance of having the right intention in everything that we do. Niat is everything.

I realized that ive been whining and complaining and crying a lot about medicine. Having to be away from Sheffield, not having to have a proper meal for dinner, having to do this and do that, not being able to do this and do that, and yadayadayada. Oh gosh, I am such a whiner! But, what i failed to appreciate is that i am able to learn medicine. To learn about human body. To learn about His wonderful creation which no other human being is able to immitate despite the great explosion of science and technology. And, as cliche' as it sounds, to learn medicine means to save lives, with His willing. This might be the only way for me to contribute to the society. To make change to the world. To promote world peace. Haha. Ok. That's too much. A bit too Miss Universe kinda speech. Hehe. But I do meant most of it.

Dr Wahl need not say or do more to impress me. I was impressed, and was motivated to work even harder to sail through this rocky journey. With His help, InsyaAllah, impossible is nothing.