tangible feeling

my feelings are all jumbled up today. i feel as if i have been riding an emotional rollercoaster ride.

to start with, i woke up this morning, on my laptop, visited my facebook for a quick peek and noticed Elly's link on her status. Hmm, i clicked on it and tadaaa. there it was. my face. Along with Ain, Emy and Elly of course, posing around the University of Sheffield stand post, in snow. Hahaha. Oh gosh. I can't believe my face was actually printed in newspaper. Hehe. Oh well, the article was not about me obviously, but the fact that my face is there, no matter how small, just gave me a jolt of excitement! Hehe. Pardon me, but my face don't come up in news paper that often, so allow me a few minutes to bask in the so-called glory. Hehe.

Anyway, that was not why I am happy in the morning.

I just heard from my cousin that my lil sister has finally confirmed her date to fly to Manchester. She is coming this Sunday, yay! I was happy for a few second. Until, my mind suddenly focused on my mom. Huhu. I really hope she will be ok. Just imagine, I am here in Sheffield. And now, my lil sister is coming to Manch. And later, insyaAllah, my elder sister is coming to Leeds for her Masters. And then two of my elder sisters might be moving out to their new home. And my other lil sister has went off to university. That leaves her with papa and my lil brother. Oh gosh. From a house packed with 9 noisy people (and that does not include extremely noisy aqef and adam!) suddenly left with only 3 not so noisy people? Huhu. Don't know why, but just thinking about it makes me sad..

And later in the afternoon, right after i had got back from attachment, i received a devastating news. A news that shocked me, and made me go pale. I could not believe my eyes when i read the text that Kak Lida wrote to me. My previous landlord has just passed away. Innalillah..Seriously, man, I was totally stunned by the news. I know, you must have think that he is just my landlord. But, no, he is actually not just my landlord. He has been my landlord for the whole 3 years! And, urgh, well, lets just say we did not have a smooth ending. We had some sort of a misunderstanding, and shamefully, I had been talking bad about him behind his back.

And now, the news about his death just shuddered me. I have sinned so much to him. Oh why, mouth, why can't you just shut up! Why do I need to say nasty things bout others? I should have bite my tongue. I hate myself for this. I feel so damn guilty..And now i promised myself NOT to backbite, again. to anyone. not even animals. No one. Just shut up, mouth. Shut up.

And tonight, as i am writing this blog, my heart has gone tachycardic. I have a presentation to do tomorrow and I am totally freaking out. Ya Allah, make things easy for me as only You are the one who can make difficult things easy...

All sorts of feelings. All in one day. I guess this is what you call human.