My wish list. hehe

I have a wish list. And they are all DAMN expensive. haha. i want them bad, but i know that money doesn't grow on trees. huhu. So, here i am, scribbling down all of the items that i could not afford to buy, for now at least. ngeheh =P

a) A new handphone
I am currently using Nokia Le'amour special edition handphone. It has been my loyal phone for almost a year now. Sadly, it's top has been cracked into pieces. How did it happened? I am not really sure about that. But what i know for sure is that it fell and crashed onto the road twice. Once when i was rushing on my way to Gynae clinic in Bassetlaw, and the other time was when i was running uphill to RHH for lectures. Anyway, the key point here is i NEED a new handphone. It is no longer a matter of desire of owning a new mobile, now. It is a matter of necessity. hehe. It keeps running out of battery, despite the fact that ive just charged them the day before! How annoying is that?!

So, i have short listed a few handphones which catch my fancy.
(i) Nokia N95 8gb - drop dead gorgeous!!! but the price is a HUGE turn off. i don't have that much of money to spend, unless i am willing to starve myself for the next few months which i think i rather not. huhu

(ii) Nokia N73 - affordable i guess. its function is superb, but the only downside of it is its design. a bit too simple. it looks a bit too regular. haha. ohgosh, pardon my vanity.

(iii) Nokia n81 - cute. quite a lovely design. more expensive than n73 but cheaper than n95.

b) A new laptop
My current laptop is driving me to the wall! Its power turns off whenever it feels like doing so, which is quite frequent. Initially, it only turned off whenever i started to use my laptop to do 'useless' stuffs (eg watching movies, etc). But now, it will even turn off automatically when i am doing work as well! This is seriously getting on my nerves!! A couple of times a day, that maybe i can still tolerate. But for it to happen almost 7-8 times a day is simply way TOO much. My patience has limits, oh dear laptop. I am not so sure how to buy a new laptop as i am clueless about the specs and whatsnot, so i am still abstaining myself from buying one.

c) A new camera
This is more of a desire rather than a need. I already have a sony camera, but it was quite an OLD version. seriously old. and not forgetting THICK as well. hehe. due to that, i would LOVE to buy myself a new sony camera. it does not have to be a 10 MP camera nor a digital SLR. A simple 8 MP with a nice touch will do. hihi. I already have my eye on one sony camera, and am just waiting for the price to fall before i get my hands on them. huuuu.

d) Flight back to malaysia!
Oh gosh. This should be first on the list! Summer hols is no more than 3 months away, and i am still ticketless! aaaargh. I do want to go home. I do. I do!! I have been searching for tickets for quite some time, and the best bargain that i get so far is still quite expensive (if compared to my friends' ticket prices). But, now that time is getting closer, i might have to splurge more for my flight back to Malaysia. As long as i am home, nothing else matters. Hehe ;P

Oh well. All of them are going to cost me fortune. I am going to be rational and am going to abstain myself from burning a hole in my pocket. A mobile and a flight back to Malaysia will do. Lappy and camera will have to wait i guess. huhu.

ramble babble. haha

It was our last day in Donny for d week. (still another 3 more weeks to go!). We have lectures in Sheffield on 20th, and had 21st off for Good Friday. And we are also going to have Monday off for post-Easter break. So basically, we are going to have 4 days off. Wee~.

All 4 of us must have been extremely tired. Nobody could be bothered to initiate a conversation. Everyone seems to be lost in their own world, except for Sophie of course who was driving. hehe. We were too tired to talk. All i can picture in my head at that time was my comfy home. But then only i remembered, argh, nobody's home. In fact, nobody is in Sheffield! Almost all of my friends are scattered all over the world by now. Their 3 weeks Easter break has already started and now Sheffield is left deserted.

My break is not until 3 weeks time. I seriously hope that this 3 weeks will pass by as swift as possible. It is not that i am not enjoying my placement, but i am just getting a bit too tired. A one week break in between each placements will be marvelous. All we need is to rejuvenate. But, no, obviously that was just too good to be true. Medical school is NOT that nice. hehe.

We are going to have a 3 days in Donny next week, and another 4 days for the next couple of weeks. And that's it. HOLIDAYYYYYYY! Despite the sad fact that i can't do much during my 2 weeks off, i am still looking forward for my short break.

Why can't i do much? Well, my holiday only begins after my non-medical friends finished their holiday. And, sadly, ALL of my friends are non-medics. Hahaha. So, to conclude, i have no one to go to holiday with! Sad eyh? I insist on going traveling alone. haha. But obviously, neither of my friends are going to let me! It is not safe. I know. I know. I get it. I won't, don't worry.

I will stay at home, snuggle comfortably under my duvet with my favourite Tess Gerritsen most of the time (ive just bought 5 more of his book!) And probably do some SHOPPING as well. Ok. Maybe the word 'some' is a bit of an understatement. 'Lots' sounds more like it. hahaha. i have not been shopping for ages! can't wait to spend spend and spend. weee~!! I don't mind shopping alone. I will be leaving traces of my footstep in all of the shopping outlets that i know off. hehe.

Oh well, i still have a day full of lectures today. Later tonight, i will be joining the girls to Kebabish. And hopefully there will be netball tonight! I am craving to run and jump all around.

My birthday is tomorrow. The fact that i have no one here to celebrate it with just saddens me. But oh well, at least i got the day off on my birthday. If i were to spend my birthday doing on call in donny, that would have been extremely devastating. Oh well, i have already got an early birthday surprise from Munirah, Teaks n Wanie (with the help of Elly!hehe) last Monday. That's lovely enough. Haish. Wonder if my parents will be sending me a card this year. They did not send me a card raya this year! hish. hahaha. So i am not expecting much. A simple phone call or an sms even, will do fine. hehe. Kalau they tak call, i won't call! Merajuk la konon. Nak test if they do remember my birthday or not. ngahaha.

Okays. this is wut happen when u r left all alone by yourself. You ramble a lot. Nonsensical stuffs. ahha. ok. i better start studying now. Till then. Ciao.

Ain't strong enough..

It is 10 am on Monday morning. I know, I should be in clinic or on ward right now. What am I doing online? Huhuh. I had an awful morning, and i felt the smouldering urge to shout out loud and cry. i know that i can't do that, bcoz then people will think that i have gone nuts. so here i am. rambling on my blog.

this is my second week of paediatrics placement in doncaster. for some reason, i have this heavy, unpleasant feeling towards this placement. i had a nervous breakdown on the first night here in donny. only Allah knows how i felt at that time.

being far away from family back at home is hard enough. and now, i will have to be separated from my 'family' back at Sheffield for each and every one of my placements for this year. None of my placements are in Sheffield. All of them are in peripheries. Including my GP! Argh.

The feeling of having to go back to placement either on Sunday night or Monday morning is one dreadful feeling. I literally have to drag my heavy legs to get on the train to the hospitals. I had to force myself to smile. I had to assure myself that it is going to be Friday soon.Friday. The day that i look forward the most recently. Only during the weekends i manage to smile.

But, i only learnt a week ago that i have to do one on call during one of my 7 weekends in donny. I have to spend my weekend in donny! I know u must have think that it is just one weekend. It is not that much. You must have think that i am making a mountain out of a molehill. But i am NOT. If you are in my place, only then you'll know that weekend is not merely just a weekend. It is the only time for me to be with those that i love and do the stuffs that i enjoyed the most with. Even it is just lazing around, not doing anything. But to be able to do that with my close friends mean a lot to me. This paediatrics placement has robbed me blind..

And this morning, i got lost. I accidentally got on the wrong bus, and god knows where the bus driver has took me! The bus journey which should only take 10 minutes from train station, took me about 1 hour and 15 minutes to get to DRI. I was shattered into pieces. This makes me feel even more helpless. I was alone, stranded in a middle of no where. Thankfully, the right bus came along within 10 minutes. I tried to stop my tears from pouring. Even now, i am bitting my lips, trying to swallow the tears that are starting to choke me bad. I tried to calm myself and remind myself that this is a test from Him. I have to be strong.

But sometimes, i felt that i could no longer be strong anymore. I don't know how much longer of this i could take. Being apart from family. Being the only Malay in my course. Having to be apart from my friends due to my placements in peripheries. Not having any holidays on the same dates as my friends. What am i suppose to do by myself? I need home. I want to go home.

Please Ya Allah. Give me the strength that i need. I beg for your mercy for i feel so small and vulnerable right now..

love

'You sure wish you are a man right now, don't you?' said an anaesthetist to me, winking.

Hehe. I simply laughed at his statement.

To make things clear, we were in a labour ward at that time. A patient was about to give birth, and she initially thought that she could no longer bear the pain, so she opted to have an epidural. But, even before the anaesthetist managed to gather his equipment, the patient had already started to push. She was now in stage 3 of labour, the final stage. The baby was about to come out any minute now. I can clearly see his head, desperately trying to get out of his mother's bottom. Within a few minutes, with a few pushes and pants, baby Harry was born.

After cleaning up, I finally got the time to myself. I reflected on what the anaesthetist had said to me earlier on. I questioned myself, do i regret being a female? Not like i have the choice to choose, in the first place. hehe. But, for the sake of reflecting, i know for sure that NO, i don't have any regrets at all.

Well, pregnancy does not looks like an easy job. It is anything but easy, i think. Just think bout it. You have to bear a 3 - 4 kg child in your womb for 9 months. That is 40 weeks. 42 weeks maximum! Not forgetting the morning sickness that most of the mothers will have during the first trimester. And the never-ending back ache. And the extra strain on your bladder which makes you want to go to wee all of the time. And the extra strain on your stomach which causes you to have reflux after every meal. And not forgetting the fact that you are no longer a size 8. Your clothes doesn't fit you no more. Chuck away the high heels. Forget the tight-fitting jeans. Forget about looking superfabulous all the time. At that time, nothing matters more than comfort.

And if you think that is worse, more is yet to come. Yes, you get that right. LABOUR. I've witnessed quite a handful number of deliveries, and there is only word that is suitable to describe it. PAINFUL. hehe. I have not experienced it myself, but just by looking, i can tell. And the long hours of labour. long hours of painful intermittent contractions which becomes stronger with time. Even with Etonox (this helps to reduce the pain), i can still tell that the pain is far from gone.

And, if the mother wants to scream all she wants, be pissed off with everyone who comes in contact with her or even curse throughout the labour, i completely have nothing against that. she is in pain. just let her be. hehe.

But, amazingly, right after delivery of the baby, everything changes. Straight after the midwife place the baby on the mother's chest, the mother looks as if she has forgotten all about the pain. All of the unbearable pain that she had experienced for the past hours (varies from people to people) is completely gone. The sight of the baby or even the sound of the baby crying just soothes the pain away, i guess. It is a beautiful process. This last bit of labour was the bit that i love the most.

So, now that i've seen how difficult and painful it is to give birth, i despise those who shows disaffection to their mothers. shame on you. our mother has to go through the most unimaginable life experience to bring us to the world, and what do we do to repay her? just think about it.

i love this placement. this makes me appreciate my mom (and dad) more.

*rindu*

Mr Adam Iman =)

Mr Adam Iman

Bleep. A text message received. It was 4 in the morning. And for some reason, i was awaken by it. The message reads ' Helo helo. elly dah bersalin. baby 3.98kg. suma sihat' Waaaaaaaaarghh. Adam Iman dah keluar perut Elly!!!! I was smiling from ears to ears, but i was too sleepy to reply my sister's text message. i promised myself to reply it the first thing after fajr prayer later that morning. one thing for sure, i slept smiling. hehe

It was Friday, 15 February 2008. Baby boy, Adam Iman has been brought into the world. Happy, i was. I went to Bassetlaw (had to stay in sheff for a GUM clinic on the thursday) for colposcopy clinic with a smile. I can't wait to call home! I have to pinch my hands to stop myself from calling home from my mobile phone. THAT would certainly cost me a fortune! hehe. A few more hours aliaa, I calmed myself. a few more hours...

Alhamdulillah, right after clinic, i bumped into Sophie, and apparently she wanted to go home straight away as well! Yay. So, we rushed home after packing. Right after settling myself, i called home (thanx elly for allowing me to use ur lappy to call home! sorry bising! hehehe).

after the umpteenth time trying to call each and every one of my 7 siblings AND my mama's AND papa's handphone, FINALLY, one of them picked up their phone! haishhhh. susah bena nak suruh angkat fon! hehehe. Had a looooooong talk with mama, and gosh, that was fun. mama said aqef (adam iman's brother) is starting to throw tantrums! ngehehhe. apparently, aqef somehow has sensed that someone is going to steal his thunders! he started to refuse getting on a car since the past 2 weeks, so they could not manage to drag aqef to the hospital to see his little brother. He rather stayed home. He is now refusing to share his things with others. He wants no one but his mother. haha. aiyooo. I can hear him wailing in the background when i called. hehe. Aqef, aqef. u r SO comel.

wondered how things are going now. my sister has got to go for caesarian section because the baby was breech, so it might cost her quite some time until she will be able to be on her foot again. with aqef wailing and putting on 'shows', and now with adam iman to take care of, i sure hope she will manage to cope with it! oh well, we have a row of 'dayangs' at home, so it should not be a problem i guess. ngahahha. how i wish i can be there to lend a helping hand!

be a good boy, aqef! can't wait to go home to meet both of them! weeeee~

a trip to Botanical Garden

More photos here

the weather was oh-so-lovely. bright mr sunshine was out, beaming proudly in the clear blue sky. the temperature was ok. not that cold. not that hot. the weather was just too lovely to be wasted just like that. something must be done. i shall not just laze in my cosy room and let this beautiful day slip away from my hand. hence, i decided, i must go to botanical garden. i've never been there before, but i've heard plenty of superb reviews bout the place. i have to go there.

rather than going to town (an innocent visit to town will always lead to dangerous shopping spree! hehe) where money will keep running out of my pocket like water, going to botanical garden to view scenic panorama sounds more tempting to me. Since my friends are busy preparing for their exams, i headed off to Botanical Garden by myself. it is simply a journey that i do not regret.

after a visit to the RHH, i walked all the way to Botanical Garden. It is not that far. it took me just about 10 minutes walk. I got there, and snap snap snap all the way! I am starting to enjoy taking pictures of sceneries now. It is more natural and I love it.

Snow in Sheffield =)

Click here for more photos

It was 3rd January 2008. I was fast asleep in my cosy duvet, when my handphone suddenly emitted a sound. a text message received. usually i will just ignore the message and continue sleeping. i will get back to it after i wake up. but somehow, miraculously on that day, i found my hands reaching for my handphone. with lazy eyes, i read the text message. 'SNOW!' that one simple word made me jolted happily out from my pinky duvet. i rushed to the window and, yes, it is snowing outside! weeeee~

my housemates must have got the text message as well, cause i can hear their voices cheerfully chatting outside my room. Emy and azian (who happened to stay over at our place the night before) rushed into my room and jumped up and down happily. 'It is snowing, weh!' hehe.

Azian was obviously more excited than us, since this is her first time to actually witness snow in Sheffield. This is our third year here in Sheffield, so we've had experienced snow before. But still, that doesn't lessen our excitement even a notch just to see the beautiful white snow covering the black bleach ground. Despite the biting-cold weather that comes along with it, i still do LOVE snow. it is just so beautiful, a beauty from Allah that i just can't explain in words.

with enthusiast rocketing up to the ceiling, we decided to go out and play with the snow. eventhough the snow was not that heavy, that did not stop us from snapping pictures! hehe.