My wish list. hehe

I have a wish list. And they are all DAMN expensive. haha. i want them bad, but i know that money doesn't grow on trees. huhu. So, here i am, scribbling down all of the items that i could not afford to buy, for now at least. ngeheh =P

a) A new handphone
I am currently using Nokia Le'amour special edition handphone. It has been my loyal phone for almost a year now. Sadly, it's top has been cracked into pieces. How did it happened? I am not really sure about that. But what i know for sure is that it fell and crashed onto the road twice. Once when i was rushing on my way to Gynae clinic in Bassetlaw, and the other time was when i was running uphill to RHH for lectures. Anyway, the key point here is i NEED a new handphone. It is no longer a matter of desire of owning a new mobile, now. It is a matter of necessity. hehe. It keeps running out of battery, despite the fact that ive just charged them the day before! How annoying is that?!

So, i have short listed a few handphones which catch my fancy.
(i) Nokia N95 8gb - drop dead gorgeous!!! but the price is a HUGE turn off. i don't have that much of money to spend, unless i am willing to starve myself for the next few months which i think i rather not. huhu

(ii) Nokia N73 - affordable i guess. its function is superb, but the only downside of it is its design. a bit too simple. it looks a bit too regular. haha. ohgosh, pardon my vanity.

(iii) Nokia n81 - cute. quite a lovely design. more expensive than n73 but cheaper than n95.

b) A new laptop
My current laptop is driving me to the wall! Its power turns off whenever it feels like doing so, which is quite frequent. Initially, it only turned off whenever i started to use my laptop to do 'useless' stuffs (eg watching movies, etc). But now, it will even turn off automatically when i am doing work as well! This is seriously getting on my nerves!! A couple of times a day, that maybe i can still tolerate. But for it to happen almost 7-8 times a day is simply way TOO much. My patience has limits, oh dear laptop. I am not so sure how to buy a new laptop as i am clueless about the specs and whatsnot, so i am still abstaining myself from buying one.

c) A new camera
This is more of a desire rather than a need. I already have a sony camera, but it was quite an OLD version. seriously old. and not forgetting THICK as well. hehe. due to that, i would LOVE to buy myself a new sony camera. it does not have to be a 10 MP camera nor a digital SLR. A simple 8 MP with a nice touch will do. hihi. I already have my eye on one sony camera, and am just waiting for the price to fall before i get my hands on them. huuuu.

d) Flight back to malaysia!
Oh gosh. This should be first on the list! Summer hols is no more than 3 months away, and i am still ticketless! aaaargh. I do want to go home. I do. I do!! I have been searching for tickets for quite some time, and the best bargain that i get so far is still quite expensive (if compared to my friends' ticket prices). But, now that time is getting closer, i might have to splurge more for my flight back to Malaysia. As long as i am home, nothing else matters. Hehe ;P

Oh well. All of them are going to cost me fortune. I am going to be rational and am going to abstain myself from burning a hole in my pocket. A mobile and a flight back to Malaysia will do. Lappy and camera will have to wait i guess. huhu.

ramble babble. haha

It was our last day in Donny for d week. (still another 3 more weeks to go!). We have lectures in Sheffield on 20th, and had 21st off for Good Friday. And we are also going to have Monday off for post-Easter break. So basically, we are going to have 4 days off. Wee~.

All 4 of us must have been extremely tired. Nobody could be bothered to initiate a conversation. Everyone seems to be lost in their own world, except for Sophie of course who was driving. hehe. We were too tired to talk. All i can picture in my head at that time was my comfy home. But then only i remembered, argh, nobody's home. In fact, nobody is in Sheffield! Almost all of my friends are scattered all over the world by now. Their 3 weeks Easter break has already started and now Sheffield is left deserted.

My break is not until 3 weeks time. I seriously hope that this 3 weeks will pass by as swift as possible. It is not that i am not enjoying my placement, but i am just getting a bit too tired. A one week break in between each placements will be marvelous. All we need is to rejuvenate. But, no, obviously that was just too good to be true. Medical school is NOT that nice. hehe.

We are going to have a 3 days in Donny next week, and another 4 days for the next couple of weeks. And that's it. HOLIDAYYYYYYY! Despite the sad fact that i can't do much during my 2 weeks off, i am still looking forward for my short break.

Why can't i do much? Well, my holiday only begins after my non-medical friends finished their holiday. And, sadly, ALL of my friends are non-medics. Hahaha. So, to conclude, i have no one to go to holiday with! Sad eyh? I insist on going traveling alone. haha. But obviously, neither of my friends are going to let me! It is not safe. I know. I know. I get it. I won't, don't worry.

I will stay at home, snuggle comfortably under my duvet with my favourite Tess Gerritsen most of the time (ive just bought 5 more of his book!) And probably do some SHOPPING as well. Ok. Maybe the word 'some' is a bit of an understatement. 'Lots' sounds more like it. hahaha. i have not been shopping for ages! can't wait to spend spend and spend. weee~!! I don't mind shopping alone. I will be leaving traces of my footstep in all of the shopping outlets that i know off. hehe.

Oh well, i still have a day full of lectures today. Later tonight, i will be joining the girls to Kebabish. And hopefully there will be netball tonight! I am craving to run and jump all around.

My birthday is tomorrow. The fact that i have no one here to celebrate it with just saddens me. But oh well, at least i got the day off on my birthday. If i were to spend my birthday doing on call in donny, that would have been extremely devastating. Oh well, i have already got an early birthday surprise from Munirah, Teaks n Wanie (with the help of Elly!hehe) last Monday. That's lovely enough. Haish. Wonder if my parents will be sending me a card this year. They did not send me a card raya this year! hish. hahaha. So i am not expecting much. A simple phone call or an sms even, will do fine. hehe. Kalau they tak call, i won't call! Merajuk la konon. Nak test if they do remember my birthday or not. ngahaha.

Okays. this is wut happen when u r left all alone by yourself. You ramble a lot. Nonsensical stuffs. ahha. ok. i better start studying now. Till then. Ciao.

Ain't strong enough..

It is 10 am on Monday morning. I know, I should be in clinic or on ward right now. What am I doing online? Huhuh. I had an awful morning, and i felt the smouldering urge to shout out loud and cry. i know that i can't do that, bcoz then people will think that i have gone nuts. so here i am. rambling on my blog.

this is my second week of paediatrics placement in doncaster. for some reason, i have this heavy, unpleasant feeling towards this placement. i had a nervous breakdown on the first night here in donny. only Allah knows how i felt at that time.

being far away from family back at home is hard enough. and now, i will have to be separated from my 'family' back at Sheffield for each and every one of my placements for this year. None of my placements are in Sheffield. All of them are in peripheries. Including my GP! Argh.

The feeling of having to go back to placement either on Sunday night or Monday morning is one dreadful feeling. I literally have to drag my heavy legs to get on the train to the hospitals. I had to force myself to smile. I had to assure myself that it is going to be Friday soon.Friday. The day that i look forward the most recently. Only during the weekends i manage to smile.

But, i only learnt a week ago that i have to do one on call during one of my 7 weekends in donny. I have to spend my weekend in donny! I know u must have think that it is just one weekend. It is not that much. You must have think that i am making a mountain out of a molehill. But i am NOT. If you are in my place, only then you'll know that weekend is not merely just a weekend. It is the only time for me to be with those that i love and do the stuffs that i enjoyed the most with. Even it is just lazing around, not doing anything. But to be able to do that with my close friends mean a lot to me. This paediatrics placement has robbed me blind..

And this morning, i got lost. I accidentally got on the wrong bus, and god knows where the bus driver has took me! The bus journey which should only take 10 minutes from train station, took me about 1 hour and 15 minutes to get to DRI. I was shattered into pieces. This makes me feel even more helpless. I was alone, stranded in a middle of no where. Thankfully, the right bus came along within 10 minutes. I tried to stop my tears from pouring. Even now, i am bitting my lips, trying to swallow the tears that are starting to choke me bad. I tried to calm myself and remind myself that this is a test from Him. I have to be strong.

But sometimes, i felt that i could no longer be strong anymore. I don't know how much longer of this i could take. Being apart from family. Being the only Malay in my course. Having to be apart from my friends due to my placements in peripheries. Not having any holidays on the same dates as my friends. What am i suppose to do by myself? I need home. I want to go home.

Please Ya Allah. Give me the strength that i need. I beg for your mercy for i feel so small and vulnerable right now..