Leaving me on a jet plane

An unknown number rang my mobile this afternoon. Wondering who it was, i picked it up with a nonchalant voice (i was cramming my head for exams at that time. I was not in the mood to talk, really). Then, a sweet girly voice who introduce herself as Sarah spoke over the other side of the line. In the 'mamai' mood, i answered 'Oh Sarah'. As if i know who it was when in fact i had no idea which Sarah i was talking to. When she said "Akak Aliaa, kami nak balik dah esok ni". That was when it hit me. Oooh Maisarah! My adik angkat! Ohgosh, did she just say that she is going to leave tomorrow?

Huhu. Yes. She is. In fact, her whole family is. My foster family. Who has been kind enough to accept me into their family for the whole 3 years and so. And now, they are leaving me. Tomorrow. In a matter of 2 days, they will be safe and sound in Malaysia. Thousand miles apart. Haish.

Alia, Abg Kamil, Kak Mar, Me, Sarah, Mas

Oh well. Slowly slowly people surrounding me are starting to leave me. I can't even get myself to think what it is going to be like next year. No. I lied. I refused to think what its going to be like. Because i know it is just not going to be the same without these girls in my life : Atie, Dianah, Elly, Emy, Hunt, Jihan, Muni & Zack (nama disusun ikut alphabet untuk mengelakkan salah faham. hahhah)

They are all final years. Yes. That means i am going to be the only senior left next year. Ohgosh, i am going to be like a super senior kot next year. Which makes me feel and sound so old. Which doesn't help.

Ntah. I know there are going to be juniors left. I am not alone. But, somehow, i AM alone. Entah lah. Don't know how to say it. And Emy is sweet enough to make sure that anyone around me not to mention this final year thingy in front of me. Fair enough. Just avoid it as much as i can. Just even hearing bout it hurts me. Whatmore to experience it myself next year.

Oh well, lets just cherish the remaining times that we have then.

Jang & De'e. RINDU!

crazy bout adam

adam + dummy = inseparable!

cute

too cute

urgh. extremely cute kot dua org budak ni!

rindu nak dukung n peluk adam!

L A Z Y !

i'm stressing out. i am being too lazy. too laidback. and my exam is just around the corner. argh!

i am hating myself for allowing this laziness to conquer my fragile self. i am stressed out because i am being too lazy, when being lazy is the last thing that i should be up to with the finals crawling closer and closer by day and i am effing freaking out.

but i know freaking out will not do any good.

nor will babbling on the blog. uhuh. what am i doing?!

ok. get back to work. stop being lazy. someone, motivate me please!!

Neurology placement

my 2 weeks neurology attachment has come to its end. did i enjoy the module? Perhaps i did. Maybe not as much as i enjoyed O&G, but it was not as bad as Paeds i guess.

Ive got to see a lot of interesting patients. Mostly with interesting cases.

The ones that i remember the most is the patient with Myasthenia Gravis (neuromuscular junction disorder. trying to do some revision here. heheh). He was such a sweet guy, that he insisted on carrying a chair for me all the way from hallway to his bay. Mind you, he is 79! But he is one strong fellow. And supposedly, for a guy with Myasthenia Gravis (it is a condition which makes your muscles go weak), he is super duper strong. Heheh. Ah, he is just nice.

I also remember seeing two different patients with Guillain Barre Syndrome (GBS), both presenting differently. One is perfectly pink & healthy, up and about. And the other was lying helplessly on the bed, with tubes and wires running all over her body. They were both at the opposite end of the extreme spectrum of the disease. It was just scary how it varies.

And the other patient who can't speak. I was just loitering around in the ward one day, decided to do something useful instead of just standing at a corner and not do anything. So, i randomly went to a patient and introduced myself to him and asked if he mind me taking history from him for a while. He nodded, hence, i proceed with my usual routine. I first introduced myself, and later i asked him what his name was. He shook his head, and started to do some movements with his hands. That was when it striked me; he could not talk. I was stuck. Unsure what to do. It would be inappropriate for me to just say "oh its ok. i'll just go and fine another patient who can talk"

So i decided to stay and proceed with what i have started. I have never been taught how to talk to patients who can't talk. So, that was quite a challenge for me. I found myself talking at a higher note and doing sign languages, which i later realized was inappropriate. He could perfectly hear me and understand clearly what i said. He just couldn't talk. But i kept talking to him as if i am talking to a deaf person. Huhu. I did managed to change the way i talked to him later on. Hope he was not offended. Oh, we communicate using an alphabet chart by the way. That session took longer than normal since he had to spell everything out for me. Haish. Bless him for being so patience.

My oncall experience was also lovely. Get to clerk a patient, who was clueless about why he was there at the first place. Just imagine the trouble i had to go through when i had to present that case to the SHO. haha. But it did turn out all right, though.

And now, tomorrows my last day. Had weekends off and then i am off to chesterfield for my Psychiatry placement. Quite looking forward to it, i hafto say. It just sounds very interesting. hehe.

nak mainnnnnnnnnnn T_T

saya nak main netball.

tapi nampak gayanya, macam dah takde harapan je untuk nak tubuhkan team netball yang baru.

argh geram nye kot! tak cukup oranggg.

kak titie, kak syidot, kak ind, kenapa perlu pulang? huhuhu

netball is the only form of exercise that i enjoy the most. and now, i might not be playing anymore.

habis la. i am SO going to be fat & unfit.

ok dah. back to revision. sekadar meluahkan kegeraman perasaan. huhu

Selamat Hari Raya!

Finally, we managed to snap a proper raya picture for this raya! Huhu. It is already the 5th day of Eid, but only then we managed to celebrate Eid together. Oh well, better than not celebrating at all, I guess. Eza and Izyan came over on Friday. Had a heck lot of fun and now i am coming down with a flu. huhu. Shopping and eating. That's we did. Haha

The 3 Romlis in front of my so-called White House. Hahah.

Being crazy in Weston Park before heading to Crookes for open house.

Come again, darls. Oh, next stop by request will be Manch, won't it? Hehehhe. MAKAAANNNN!

Sorry mama...

I am the most horrible daughter a mom could ever have. i've forgotten my mother's birthday.

and to make things worst, i actually rang papa's mobile on dat day (her birthday is on the first day of raya in Malaysia) and got to talk to her on the phone for quite a while. And i did not wish her. I asked her what is she eating for raya breakfast, asked her what is the colour of her baju raya this year and ask her about all of the other bits and bobs, but i did NOT wish her for her birthday! OHMIGOD.

Can someone, please, just shoot me in the head. I feel so damn guilty right now.

If i were to be in her shoes, i certainly would be devastated. To have 3 of your daughters leaving you for overseas is one thing. To have your other 2 daughters going back for raya at their in laws is another thing. And to know that your daughters forget your birthday is another. That is too much. If i were her, i know, i can't take it.

Mama, sorry sangat! I know she's not reading this post. I just need to let it out. I am so going to send her a boquet of flowers and pressie all the way from UK. Sorry mama. Sorry sangat. I love you yg teramat. huhuhu.

the so-called actor/actress

A doctor is a one hell of an actor.

This is what i've learnt from one of the teaching lessons during my neuro clinical placement. And believe me, that is so true.

Well, obviously I am not a doctor, yet. So, I will be talking from the medical student point of view. At least from my experience of being a medical student up til now.

Either we realize it or not, we act a lot.

We act as if we are confident, when the hard fact is that we are not. We are always thrown into the spotlight to do things that we are not good at doing yet, but still we pretend as if we have been doing it eversince we are born. "Go and do her bloods" or "You handle the clinic today and present the cases to me after seing each patient" or "Scrub in and help her with the stitches" or the worst case scenario that has ever happened to me is "Assist him for the pleural aspiration" (which is something that i have not been taught about yet. huhu)

The list is endless. But still, despite the desire to shake our head vigorously and say no and run, we found ourselves nodding and heading towards our 'task'. Step by step, we found our feet making its way towards the patient. Only God knows how fast our heart is beating at that time. How our stomachs are filled with angry butterflies, munching their way through our gut wall. But still, we managed to put on an act. And that act, somehow, managed to get us through it.

We act as if we don't care what others say about us, when in reality, our heart is grind to pieces by them. If we always took whatever these 'nasty' consultants or senior doctors say to us by heart, believe me, we would be squashed and crushed and torn apart. And that will make it even more difficult to bounce back. I learnt to put a wall of brick in my heart. I was once crushed by a consultant, and almost shattered into pieces. I almost lost my confidence. He almost make me hate doing Medicine. That was until i learn to take his seriously harsh critiscm as a challenge to myself. That, seriously, changed everything. I pretend as if he said that because he wants to see me become a great doctor. Even though i doubt that is the case, but i still pretend that was his intention. huhu.

All in all, we are no greater than others. We are merely just actors. Pretending to know something that we have no idea about. And pretending to be good in something that we are clueless about. But, this pretention, later on, helps us to have the good qualities that a doctor should have one day, insyaAllah. That, i believe.

comot!

ohmigosh. why is the alignment of my post looks sooo damn horrible. for a girl who hates imperfection, this is way too much. it just looks untidy. ive tried to edit the posts a number of times, but still, it looks yucky! huhu. sorry. i did not mean to make the posts look like that. blame the technology! hehe