exams over..

i had just finished my phase 3a exams just now.

the last exam was OSCE. and that OSCE was quite tough i have to say. going for the counselling station is nerve-wrecking enough. the static questions, which were just SO damn random, just make it worse! It was nothing like the past years at all. All of counselling on cystic fibrosis, down's syndrome, contraception and god knows how long the list could go on for was surprisingly not even tested. NONE.

to make things short, i did not leave the hall with a smile on my face. Oh maybe i did. a half smile, perhaps. I was a tiny bit happy because the exam was over. Finally! But the thought of the horrible OSCE kept bugging my head, hindering me from enjoying the freedom that i had just received. After months struggling and cramming myself, I should be devouring this moment. But NO, i did not.

In fact, i went straight to meadowhall with my friend after the exam. We thought retail therapy could help. But heck no. For the first time, retail therapy fails me. I did not feel like shopping at all. All of the clothes look bleak to me. My lust for shopping has just been stomped by the thought of the OSCE that just kept clinging in my head.

The idea of failing this exam repells me. I can't bear the thought of having to go through the exams again. I can't afford to resit the whole year again. Oh NO. I dread that thought.

one of my coursemates rang me just now. she thinks she might fail the exam. she sounded like she was about to break into tears. Huhu. And from the facial expressions of my other collegues right after the exam also indicate that i am not alone in this. Other people do find it hard to. Which, honestly, as bad as it sounds, relieves me a bit. I also heard one student had a breakdown in the middle of the exam and had to leave the hall. Yes. Thats just how horrible it is. Huhu.

I know that dreading about the exam will not change anything. Whats done is done. I have tried my very best for this exam, although i do feel like i could have done better. And now all i have left is Allah to turn to...

Oh please ya Allah, I need your help..

'Love' triangle

I feel like i am stuck in a love triangle. A so-called 'love' triangle, made up of me, W and S. Three individuals who used to be very close to each other. Somehow, a tragedy (if i may call it that) happened, putting W & S's relationship at stake. And now, things are just not how it used to be. Things are just different. I can feel the tense between them when they are around. And I am stuck in between.

W wants me to study with her. Which i agreed to. And a couple of days later, S asked me if i want to do revision with her, which i agreed as well. And now, both of them wants to do study group at the same time, everyday. Now i am seriously stuck in between. S will be furious if she knows W did not invite S to W's study group. And I am afraid W will just be upset if I say I chose to study with S today, instead of with W.

Hence, I am seriously stuck in between. Talked to Johan bout this, and he just laughed his head off. When i think about it again, it actually IS funny. It really does sounds as if i am having an affair! Huhu. I am cheating on my studymate. How geeky is that, huh? hehe.

Now, i am currently studying with W in the morning, around 10 - 3. Then i will normally have a revision class around 7 - 8 or 9. Then later in the evening, i will have to do revision with S. And i am just simply drained. This HAS to stop. This 'love' triangle must come to an end. But to think of it, if i hold on to it, there is only a few more days left anyway. But for how much longer i can stand this, i myself am not sure.

He told me i have to choose. But i don't want to. I can have both of them, but i am the one who is going to suffer in the end. I know that. Unwise decision? Maybe..

Who said 'polygamy' is fun? It is no fun at all for me! Hehehe