To forgive and forget.

To forgive and forget is not an easy thing to do.

Someone once told me (well, actually he just told me this just a few minutes ago. hehe) :

Anger is something that if you don't let go, it will haunt you. So, the only way to get past anger is to forgive the person that made you angry. As long as you keep that anger deep within you, the other person is the one who is winning. Cause you are the one who is stressing out and going all nutters just from thinking about it, whilst the other party is far from perturbed about it.

(Cilop from you. Takde copyright kan? Ngehehe)

So, who is at loss here? The angry person. Me, myself and I.

BUT, who am I kidding. I am no saint. For me, to forgive someone takes a LOT of effort. To forget all of those horrible things that one has done to you is one hell of a mission.

And to be fair, I think both parties need to play their part. What is the use if only one party makes the effort to patch things up, when the other party just could not be bothered?

Its not like I am not trying. I am. Trust me, I definitely am. It is just going to take a while. And a lot of effort, I guess. To put everything behind. To pretend that this never happens in the first place when it actually did. To pick things up from where we left things behind. It is one hard work, to be frank.

To mend a shattered glass. We can put in all of our effort and it might stick together again. To put a thousand pieces of glasses back together might take ages. But it will stick together again, as long as we try do something about it. But will it look as beautiful as before? I doubt it. The scars will still remain. To remind us of the past that never leaves us.

Sigh.

To forgive and forget. It is easier said than done.

Selfish?

Sometimes I feel as if I am selfish. Maybe I am. Oh no. Who am I kidding. I know I am. Maybe not extremely selfish. But that selfishness is there, coursing within my deep veins, blended with my blood.

This thought popped after an incident this afternoon. I had just finished attending a hip replacement surgery and was waiting for the bus to go home. Yes, I was too lazy to walk to the train station. I was too tired, and at that time, paying 1.50 pound for a 10 minutes bus ride seemed more tempting than a 30 minutes walk. I know walking is free, and I get to exercise which is good for my heart and arteries. But I could not be bothered. I just want to go back home as soon as possible. First day in Orthopaedic has drained me.

Anyway, I was in a line, waiting patiently for the bus to come. An old lady was standing in front of me. After 10 minutes of waiting, the bus arrived. The first gentleman got on the bus. Next, was the old lady in front of me. She was struggling to get on the bus. She was rather old. She has got a buggy full with her grocery shopping inside of it. Anyone could tell that she was struggling to get on the bus. I did too.

That was what that makes it worst. I realized that she was having some difficulty getting on the bus and yet I did not offer to help. I just stood there behind her, waiting for her to get on the bus. A few minutes passed by, and she was still not on the bus. My mind started to race, thinking perhaps she needs some help.

Until suddenly, she said "Thank you for your help"

Yes. She was saying that to me. I was astounded. Did I just say my thoughts out loud? Its either that or she is a superb mind reader! Or maybe that was a sarcasm remark. Which one? I have no idea. It might have been the sarcasm. Huhu.

So, realizing how stupid and selfish I was, I hurried to help her get her buggy on the bus. After getting her on the bus, I just put her buggy in the middle of the way and let her passed. I expected her to get a seat for herself because I was too busy paying for the bus ticket!

When I got to my seat, I thought "I am such a selfish biatch" Huhu. Pardon my language. But it is true. I could not help feeling guilty throughout the whole 10 minutes journey to train station. I hate myself for it and have promised myself that should a similiar incident occur again in the future, I must NOT let the same thing happen again.

I must help. In fact, I SHOULD be helping. Helping others is an attribute that I should have. It is just nature's rule. A doctor just have to have that trait embedded within oneself. And I am about to end this 5 years course of becoming a doctor, so why am I still being selfish? I shivered to think what kind of doctor would I be in a few years time..