Done for now

Only today, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulder. I had just finished my final exam last Friday, and had 2 wonderful days off. And on Monday, I was all stressed out again as I was busy preparing for my deanery interview on Tuesday. I was SO not in the mood to prepare for the interview cause I feel like my post-exam freedom has been robbed by this interview! However, realizing that I would not want to ended up making a complete fool of myself in front of the interviewers, I decided to push the rebellious part of me aside, and sit down and read up for the interview.

The interview was today. I have to go all the way to Hull for the interview. Funny story, due to my stupidity, I missed the 7 am coach provided by the university. I was confused with the timetable posted by medical school. First it said 7.30 am. Then it changed to 7 am due tp the heavy snow. And now that it is not snowing, being a fool, I thought they have changed it back to 7.30 am. Without confirming with my fellow colleagues, I left home at 7 am, thinking that the bus would leave at 7.30. When I reached the bus stop and found neither of my colleagues were there, I sensed that I had made a stupid mistake. I laughed at my self for my own careless mistake. Alhamdulillah, my interview was at 12 noon so I had plenty of time to get myself to Hull by train. Alhamdulillah, I was surpised with myself for being so calm about it. Hahha.

So I took the train to Hull and it was a pleasant one hour and 30 minutes journey. Along the way, heavy mists covered the air, making it almost impossible to see! I felt as if I am on a plane, flying amongst the white clouds. Seriously. The visibility was really poor this morning. As I arrived Hull, I decided not to do anything stupid again, so I decided to hitch a bus ride to the KC Stadium, where the interview was held, instead of walking. That was one wise decision. Because it was one long journey, even by bus!

The kind bus driver and a kind lady directed me to the Stadium. It was almost impossible to walk and find my way in the heavy mists. Guided with His help, I managed to walk through the cloud of mist. I walked and walked and could not stop praying that I am on the right path. Seriously, I could see only very very vaguely. Never had I had such an experience before. I just walked forward blindly and only realized that I have reached the stadium when I am right in front of the stadium. Even a building as HUGE as this stadium could not be seen. MasyaAllah. I shuddered, thinking of the Almighty.

I arrived around 1040 am. Registered myself and went straight in to the waiting room. At first, I thought I was underdressed. I was not wearing a full suit, thinking that this is more like an OSCE exam rather than an interview. I relaxed a little bit later when I realized that only the guys donned in suit, whilst the majority of ladies just dress smart. Alhamdulillah, I was thanking Allah for giving me a knock in my head and preventing me from wearing a colourful top and scarf which I initially planned to wear for today. I would have looked like an outcast as everyone was in black and white. Hahaha.

The wait was a killer. I had to wait for 2 hours for my turn. Silently, I was thankful that I missed the early coach. If I did get on that 7 am coach, I would be dying of boredom for 5 hours, desperately waiting for my number to be called in. I might have vomited bile as well. Haha. So, I did not have much time to freak out or have a nervous break down within that 2 hours. I was a bit nervous, do not get me wrong. But, a bit of nervousness is good. It is abnormal I think not to be nervous at all for an interview. Unless you are a robot. Maybe then that would be normal.

I was called in at 1230. The three stations passed by extremely fast, that I did not even realized that I have been talking for the past 7 minutes. We had OSCE like stations for our interview and they allocated 7 minutes for each. It was OK, I guess. Well, my first station did not went so well. I was talking too much. Aigo. Consequently, the interviewer did not get to ask all of her questions on time. But the other 2 stations were not bad.

By the time I left the third station, I let out a huge sigh of relief. I could not belief I was done! Finally, I am freeeeee. Well, at least until Thursday. Cause that's when I am going to get my exam results. And then I will be back in placements again next Monday. Wohoo? Hehe

In the end of the day, I think I have done my best. Both for my exams and for my interview. What's left for me to do now is to pray and pray really hard to Allah, hoping the he would take care of everything for me. As He is the ultimate planner and executor. To Him, I surrender.

One down, one more to go!

I had my first final written exam this morning.

The night before, I slept early, hoping that I would be all fresh and energized on the next day. But, suddenly around 3 in the morning, I woke up and could not get back to sleep. I squeezed my eyes tight, hoping that would make me sleep but failed. Suddenly the thoughts of MEQ paper seeped into my mind and that made things worst. Out of control, one after another disease popped into my head, and I was somehow forced to plan out the proper diagnosis and management plan. That gave me a panic attack and I ended up with a palpitation and was hyperventilating. Ya Allah, never had I had such a horrible panic attack.

Later alhamdulillah, after calming myself down, I managed to get some sleep. Not really decent sleep though because I ended up stuck in a nightmare of me where everything goes crazy and I almost missed my exams. Out of no where I was back in KMB, but all of my siblings were around. My mom was there too. And things go haywire and I woke up, feeling really alarmed. I looked at my handphone and let out a huge sigh of relief. It was only 5 am. I did not miss my exams. Huhuhu. I did not realize I was this anxious about this exams!

Then I woke up for Fajr and left home around 8 in the morning. Went to Syd's place as promised. Debbie was kind enough to give us a lift to the exams. I was thankful for that cause that saved me from walking in the crippling cold weather. Not to mention the deadly, slippery ice. We got in the car and Debbie tried to get her car out of her carpark, but thanks to the ice, she did not managed. Alhamdulillah, two nice men came out from a pub nearby and helped us out. At first, even the two strong guys did not manage to give the car a push. In the end, we all had to get out of the car and gave the car a push, and yeay, alhamdulillah, we managed. Allah has sent those two guys to help us out, just in time. We could not be more than grateful for that.

We arrived 30 minutes early and the exam hall was already flocked with medics. The paper itself was OK, I guess. One thing that bugged me most was a question about the anatomy of kidney surface marking. We were to draw the surface marking on a diagram, which I did. What I did not remember was the name of the line where it lies. I put down transpyloric line, which I knew even back then that it was so wrong because I knew that was the surface marking for gallbladder. Not kidney. But somehow I put it anyway. And out of no where, the word Addisson started to pop in my head. It pop a number of times, and I did not know why but I simply brushed it aside. Only to find out later that the answer to that question is of course, Addisson's line. I felt like knocking my head on the wall.

All in all, it was not so bad. But the more I keep thinking about the paper, the more I find silly mistakes that I've made and it is killing meeeee. I should stop doing that and focus for tomorrow's EMQ. I have to nail this cause I so want to pass this exams.

I think I have tried my very best for my MEQ. And there is nothing else left for me to do but to leave it in the hands of Allah and hope for the best. Let's nail tomorrow's paper, insyaAllah!

Oh why do we have to have exams!

Oh wow. My finals is in 7 days time. And I am already drained. A part of me is dying to get this done and over with. I am sick of revision. I am sick of sticking my head in the books. I want to be able to do things that I like without having guilt tagging along like a parasite. I spend my 20 minutes break watching a comedy, and I felt a pang of guilt. I spend longer time hanging around with my housemates during dinner time and I felt guilt crunching deep inside. I can even feel guilt creeping now as I am writing this entry! Urghhhhhh. However, another part of me knocks the other part of me on the head and says I am not ready yet!

Oh, will I ever be ready? Everytime I read something, there is more for me to read! It just keeps snowballing.

I don't have any idea how all of those things that I have studied managed to cram in my little brain. Hopefully they are still in there. Hold on tight, guys. Do not leave me! Not now. Not ever. Oh crap I sound like a schizophrenic now. I am talking to my brain. Yikes!

Ok Aliaa. Get back to books.