Mood

Mood are contagious, aren't they? Huhu. I suppose if you are talking to someone who is in an elated mood, your mood somehow will be lifted as well. And if you are talking to a person who is crying, interestingly, you will find your eyes welling up with tears as well.



This is a problem that i have to face with this Psychiatry placement. Too much emotion is involved. Everyday, people will come up to you, crying their eyeballs off. Each and everyone of them will have a different story to tell. Different but similar in some manner. And ALL of the stories are tear jerkers. It is just impossible not to cry. And to make it worse, they cry in front of me. Which is something that i can't stand. Somehow, i think my motto in life is 'If you cry, I will cry'. Huhuhu.



Just listening to their heartbreaking stories just shudders me. Just thinking about how much of the burden these people has got to carry on their shoulder just breaks my heart. I know. We aren't supposed to be emotionally attached to patients. We have to be professional as medical professionals. I am sorry. That I don't think I could manage. I am sorry for being a human being, who just can't resist to feel what other people is feeling.



What makes it worse is when some of the patients are just too depressed to speak. They are the ones that will walk into the clinic with a solemn look on the face. Their eyebrows looked as if they are 'knitted'. They stooped as if they have the problems of the whole world weighing them down. Their eyes are locked to the ground. Without even blurting a word, they will just break down and cry. These people are the ones that wreck my heart the most.



I feel like holding their hands, hugging them, telling them that everything is going to be ok. But no, for them life is no longer worth living. It is worthless. They themselves feel worthless. They could not even bother less to live another day. To live a life that no longer has any meaning to them anymore.



It just hurts me when this one patient burst in front of me, begging me to cure her. "Please doctor. Do something. Make me better. I don't want to live anymore." Those are her words, which are still playing in my head over and over again. I was dumbfounded. There is nothing much that i can do but to offer her some word of comfort. I feel helpless.



I love this placement. I guess it makes me appreciate life better. I wonder if i might be a psychiatrist in future? Hehe. Who knows..