4th year?

I'm in my 4th year? Sheesh. Can't believe it. Amazing how time flies!

I just only realized it when i was talking to a new postgraduate whom had just arrived sheffield yesterday. I was telling her bout my experience when i first land my foot on English soil.

"Saya masa mula2 dtg sini, sejuuk gile! Masa saya datang ... (my brain was trying to do some maths. trying to figure out the exact number of years it has been since i first came to UK) .. dah 4 tahun yg lepas" I said.

Oh gosh. That sounds aaaaaaaaages ago. 4 years? The PG looked surprised herself. Hehe.

"Uish dah lama kat sini?" She said.

Yes. Definitely. Sangat dah lama.

Surprise surprise, how time flew by.

My first year in Sheffield. Well, it was not exactly my best year. To be fair, I was exposed to a new place, a new culture, new people, oh gosh, everything is foreign to be exact! Then, I was still in the phase where i can't believe i am the only Malay in my course. Knowing that there are only 4 other Malaysians doesn't actually lift my mood. I was down. Intimidated. Inferiored by others. Wondering how on earth did i ended up in Sheffield all by myself. I did not even make that many new Malaysian friends for the first few months. I sticked to De'e n Jang (as they were from KMB) like a belangkas. Hehe. The other girls from KMS seems to be comfortable with their own circle of friends. And hence, the loneliness. Hehehehe =P

To reminisce about the number of times i felt weak inside. The number of times i felt like i don't belong. The number of times i felt like i can't do medicine. The number of times i cried. The number of times i felt like packing my stuffs and just leave. Oh gosh, I was certainly not in my very best condition at that time. But, somehow, alhamdulillah, miraculously, I managed.

I am fine. I can do this. If others can do this, so can you. That was what i keep reminding myself. I have to support myself. I have my own back. And I know that Allah is with me. I guess thats when i truly know what it feels like to hold on to nothing but Him. And yes, He helped me through. All the way through. And I am glad for it.

My second year. This was my turning point, i guess. I was the General Secretary of SMSA (Sheffield Malaysian Student Association), and that post helped me bloom a lot. It changed me. From a fragile person, i transformed to a stronger individual. From an inferior girl, I became a more confident person. This is when i learnt that life is not all about studying. I got to know more people. Slowly slowly, I got to create a stronger bond with the other students, especially those in the committee. I enjoyed what i was doing. Even though, we had to attend meetings everyweek, we seemed to enjoy it. We sometimes looked forward for Wednesday, because that was the day when we all get to meet. Haha. Crazy, weren't we?

It had been a hectic year, no doubt about that. The endless meetings that we had to go to, the endless hours having to crack our brain trying to figure out the best plan for the endless number of events that we had to organize for the members, the sacrifice that we had to make to make sandwich spread or grilling BBQ chicken til late night just so that the members can have their stomach filled during the events, and so on and so forth. It was just crazy. But i loved it.

My third year. This is when my life just started to get even more interesting. I have just started my clinical years. And that was super duper freaking amazing. I loved it. And i still do. Despite the fact that I was thrown all over the place (outside of Sheffield) for my placement, I still enjoy it. To be in a hospital ground is just exhilirating. I feel like a doctor already. hehehe. But a doctor with insufficient knowledge and skill, that is! Hehe. My housemates are just so lovely. I love knowing that every week when i got back home after being away for placement, i will be going back home to a lovely bunch of people. They crack me up, all the time. Laugh is certainly what we do best. Oh, and talk too, of course. We spend hours at dining table during dinner, doing talking most of the time. Hehehe. Not that i did not enjoy living with my previous housemates. But, i dunno, they are just somethingelse. Hehe.

And now, I am in my fourth year. Struggling to force myself to study for my finals this Dec. Huhu. I need to pass this exam. I have to. So please Ya Allah, please help your weak and fragile servant...