Last day as medical student!

Oh gosh. My blog has been collecting dust. Again. Dah bersawang siap. Haha. I just don't feel like writing.

Anyway, today is my very last day in medical school. To be exact, today is my very last day I will be going to the hospital with the Student Doctor badge hanging around my neck.

Headed off to Barnsley today with Alice and the others for our feedback session. It took us 40 minutes to get to Barnsley by car, and the session last for not more than 10 minutes. Which, frankly, was downright annoying! But, all in all, the session today marked our last day of placement. Last day of medical school. I am not sure if it was smiles or frowns that I see plastered on my mates faces today. Maybe a bit of both. Smiling because this means no more placements. Wohoo. Frowning because this means EXAMS! Boooooooooooooooooo.

After the session, we headed off to Alice's car. Once she started her engine, the song Celebration popped up in the radio. We all looked at each other and smiled. Haha. "This is a good sign" said Louise. Hahahhaah. Maybe it is. Maybe it is. Ben suggested we go somewhere to celebrate. Alice thought we should have a cake. However, in the end, after the song ends, we decided we should stick our heads to the books til exams are over. Hahah. Reality check. Wise decision, mates.

Where has my 5 years gone to? Has it really been 5 years? MasyaAllah, how time flies.

I can still remember my very first day in Medical School. Being an alien in a crowd of 250 people. Knowing completely no one at all. Sitting right at the back of the lecture theatre for our very first induction lecture. Clueless. Lonely. Scared. You name it.

And then I spotted two girls in hijab and thought that they looked friendly. I can still remember catching them in front of the RHH entrance, asking them if it is OK for me to tag along with them. Haha. I was flustered with a sense of relief when they said yes. Haha. And that's the start of a beautiful friendship.

I was so timid in my first year. I barely speak. I smiled, tried to be nice and friendly. The only people I talked to was my ILA mate and my 3 friends. Haha.

I cried a lot in my first year. I cried for a lot of things. I cried when I see my other friends in different universities hanging out with their Malaysian friends. I cried when I feel like I has no one to turn to. Heck, I even almost cried when I went to ASDA with my housemates because pushing the trolley in ASDA reminds me of going grocery shopping with my mom at Giant supermarket back home. Hahhaha. Now, that was random.

I remembered going home crying when one of my mates insisted on having a meeting in a pub opposite the hospital. They offered alcohol and I refused, rather persistently. I did not feel right at all when I was in the pub. Why on earth do we have to do a meeting in a pub when we have all of the other places in the world to go to. But after that incident, I learned to explain to them that I prefer to go elsewhere for group meeting. The wonderful thing is they are completely OK with this. Whenever we are going out for a night out or a meeting, they never fail to ask if I am OK with the food or with the place. Aren't they just the sweetest thing?

My circle of friends only started to grow when I started my clinical placements. Which was in Phase 2. During placements, I was randomly allocated to different group of people. Having different partners and different mates for each rotation certainly allows me to get to know more people. And I am quite please with that.

A lot of things has happened in the past 5 years. I don't know how I managed to sail through medical school. (Well, not yet, but insyaAllah, I'm getting there in 3 weeks time!!!) What I know is I am not alone, because Allah is always there for me. If not for Him, I would not have gone this far. If not for Him, I would have surrendered ages ago. If not for Him, I would not be the person I am today.

What doesn't break you makes you stronger. Definitely.

And now, I am left with only a couple weeks before OSCEs. So, if you find me not smiling when I bump into you, or not joining the conversation when everyone else seems to be talking, or not laughing at your jokes when everyone else is laughing, do understand that I am not being rude. My mind is simply occupied and I just could not be bothered with anything else. I am sorry! I will be nicer after I finish my exam, I promise. Hehe. Even nicer if I pass :)