One of those days. Sigh.

I remember complaining to Jen about my humiliating incident with Dr Venkat in his GP surgery.

"I can't even answer at least one of his questions. My brain just goes blank. Then he asked me to summarize a patient's case which I did so horribly that I felt like crying," I said.

"Yeah. It's just one of those days, isn't it?" She replied.

Yes. It is definitely one of those days today. One of those days when you feel completely stupid. Not knowing anything. Not able to do anything right. It is just one of those days that makes you feel like burying your head in a hole, hoping that nobody will disturb you with anymore questions, praying for the day to end as fast as possible.

That is exactly what I felt this morning.

It was my last day for my 8am to 4pm shift today. I did feel quite nice, going back in to hospital after a day off yesterday (Yesterday was my personal study day). I had quite a nice morning. The journey to Rotherham Hospital was smooth, and I was half expecting a rather good day today. But man was I wrong.

I went in, greet Ash, my SHO whom I am shadowing this week. She gave me a patient to see. A kid with rash. Without much hesistation, I went off to see the patient. For whatever reason, I could not find myself to take a good history from the mom. My English was all over the place. My bad day seemed to have started.

Later, I had to examine a guy who apparently has got a lot of interesting clinical signs. I went in, greet him and asked him a few questions whilst examining him. When I presented to Ash my findings, it turned out I missed a very important clinical finding. I forgot to check his tummy which is grossly huge. I felt stupid for missing that out. Later she asked me the signs of clubbing. I knew there are the 5 C's for GI causes of clubbing but could not get all of them. Which is even more frustrating!

Later, I had to see another lady who had a fall. Again she asked me a simple question which I just could not answer. By that time, I was at the end of my wits. I felt ridiculously dumb. I wonder what Ash must have think of me! I am doubting myself now. I understand if she feels the same way about my credibility to become a doctor next year.

Thankfully, there were no more cases in Major. I went in with a Registrar to the Minors and luckily managed to hide myself from the outside world for about 2 hours or so. Or to be more specific, to hide from Ash. Huhu. Oh well, she was the one whom suggested me to go with Dr Raj to the Minors as there were no patients in Major. Perhaps she was the one who can't stand having a thick medical student tagging her along. Huhu.

Argh. I hate this feeling of inadequacy. This must have just been one of those days, isn't it? Hopefully it is!!

Unplanned trip to Brussel

I am going to Brussels this weekend. Yes. This weekend. In the middle of semester. No, its not a holiday. My summer holiday is long gone. Oh well, yes, it is a Bank Holiday this Monday. But it is not as if it is like a proper holiday. But yes, I am going to Brussels with my sister this weekend. I just HAVE to go.

We have just planned it last week when Eza was here in Sheffield. And we just settled our Eurostar ticket and hotel today. And we are going in two days time. And because everything was handled at the eleventh hour, there goes our money down the drain....

As I mentioned earlier, we HAVE to go. Not because the ticket is cheap (heck, it is way the opposite of that). Not because we are dying to go to Brussels. Not because we feel like going for a weekend break in Europe. No. We have to go to Brussels because of my sister's problem with her Visa.

Don't know who is to be blamed for the problem of hers. Someone's plain stupidity and carelessness had almost cause her to pay extra 500 pounds to extend her visa so that she could say in UK legally for just 10 days. Crazy.

Problems after problems have been thrown in her way even before she set her foot in UK. And now she is about to leave UK for good, these problems just keep on coming. MasyaAllah. I wonder how you can cope with those problems, Eza!! Well, I guess what doesn't break you, make you stronger right? Kudos to you beb :)

Well, putting aside the fact that I might need to bring my tutorial to Brussels and also the fact that we will be fasting at that time, I do hope that we will be able to at least have a good time there. Hopefully the trip is worth our money.

Fasting and breaking fast in Brussels. Am quite looking forward to it actually. Hehe.

Salam Ramadhan to all.

Salams.

Ramadhan is here :)

I miss having mama or papa knocking on my door, 15 - 30 minutes before Fajr, waking me up for Sahur.

I miss going to Bazaar Ramadhan with either one of my siblings, bringing back home plastic bags filled with variety of kuih muih, only later to be scolded by mama because we bought a bit too many.

I miss breaking fast with all of the 12 familiar faces (including aqef, adam and the in laws), eating mama's delicious cooking.

I miss rushing to the nearby mosque in our kain sembahyang for tarawikh congregation and rushing back home after completing 8 rakaah of tarawih.

I miss the fun of baking cookies with mama and siblings in the kitchen, especially when I got to be the 'taster' if I am on my 'break'.

I miss the excitement of balik kampung, a few days before Raya.

I miss the joy of celebrating raya with my loved ones back at home.

Sigh. I certainly do miss quite a number of things. I could go on forever and the list will never end! Perhaps I should be thankful with what I have in front of me, instead of complaining and whining over the things that I don't have.

Ramadhan is making me feel a bit homesick. Moreover with all of those people over there, when I am stranded over here. I just can't help but feeling a bit left out.

Oh well, anyway I do hope that this Ramadhan will be better than the previous ones. A sacred month which doesn't come knocking on our door often must never be wasted.

*30 days to go!Oh, looks like I am already starting to counting the days*

Salams

Random

Muni and Atie are gone. It feels so quiet in the house. I guess I just have to get use to this. Thankfully my A&E shifts are keeping me busy, so I did not have the time to whine about the fact that all of my friends are gone.

I am in love with A&E. I don't know why, I just love it. I guess I love it because this is one of the placements where we actually get to do something. Which makes it feels so real. It has not even been a week since I've started A&E in Rotherham, but I had seen plenty of bizzare cases. Nice. Interestingly, it is quite different from Malaysia.

I've learned intubation and suturing. And now I am so keen to actually do it on a real person. Hahahah. Oh yeah, and I am still crazy about cannulating and taking bloods. I guess I will get bored of it once I am an F2 perhaps. Hahah.

This week I have a 10 am to 6 pm shift. Which is not so bad. I am tolerating it well. I just hate the fact that by the time I get home, it is already 7 ish. And the travelling really knocks me down. I will feel too knackered to do anything in the evening, hence, sleep is the only thing that I look forward to at night.

OOOhhh, Izyan has already gave birth to a lovely baby girl today!!! Ohmigod, I can't describe how relief and happy I feel for them both. Can't wait to see you in Ireland!! You are a MUMMY, Izyan! Oh wow. My primary school mate already has a child. Hehe.

OOooh, and Ramadhan is starting this Saturday!!!! Weee. I am excited!! Let this Ramadhan be better than the previous ones.

*Seventeen!!*

Another month. Should I start counting down the days? Hehe

Ok I want some sleep. Adios!

Bimbo

Cooked baked macaroni the other day. And I failed miserably. It is not like I have not cooked that before! I had, only like a million times. It was tasteless.

Again today, i cooked ayam paprik for dinner. Again, it tasted like crap! It tasted like DAUN ok! Too much daun limau purut. That was my diagnosis. I pitied Eica, having to eat the crappy paprik for dinner. And again, the same case as above, I have cooked paprik like a thousand time. It is like my specialty. Oh well, at least, I think it is.

And also today, I found out one of my white shirt that i loved got miraculously turned into green!! How? Stupidly, I managed to wash my newly bought green dress along with my newly bought white shirt which I only managed to wear once. And now, my white shirt is no longer white! Bohoo. Careless me.

What is wrong with me? I seemed to have forgotten how to do household chores! I forgot how to cook! I forgot how to wash! I feel like a bimbo. Has the 2 months summer holiday back home been the cause of my 'condition'? Honestly, I think it has. Hahahah.

September, come quick!

Missing whole loads of people. You know who you are.

XOXO

a&e rotation

I am starting my first day of Accident & Emergency Medicine rotation tomorrow. And boy, am I excited and nervous about it! I have done A&E a couple of times back home in Malaysia. Once for my Option and the second time for my Elective. Yeah, I enjoyed it so much that I did it twice. I guess I just love the adrenaline rush. The fact that we have no idea what could come through the doors. The fact that everything needs to be done STAT. The fact that every second matters. It was certainly an exhilarating experience to me.

From the next 4 weeks, I will be able to find out if A&E here is any different from A&E in Malaysia. Jihan said that it is. It might not be as adventurous as in Malaysia, that's what she said. Well, I will know for sure starting from tomorrow.

I am quite nervous as well. I have spent my weekend not doing anything at all. I also did not do any reading during my lecture week. I can only remember rather vaguely whatever that had been taught during the lectures. I seriously do hope they would not bombard me with much questions tomorrow. I am just about to start my rusty engine. It has gone quite rusty for 2 months now!!

And I do hope I get myself a nice SHO. And I do hope I will be able to get through it well, especially during the Ramadhan period. Oh Allah, I do need your help. Make me a stronger person please,emotionally and physically.

Back in sheffield

Hey im back. I thought I would be ditching my blog for good this year. but it turns out I still need my blog after all to rant all of my stupid, crazy and unpredictable emotions!

I am in my final year. Wohooo~! Crazy ain't it how time flies! I was talking to my coursemates this morning during the lecture break, reminiscing about the very first time we met. Funny. It seriously felt just like yesterday. And now, in a blink of an eye, 4 years had past. In a year time, insyaAllah, each of us will embark on our very own path of life.

I could not believe I actually got to say it; "I am a final year student". Weeee. Heheh. I longed for the time for me to say " I am no longer a student". Fuh. Imagine what that would feel like! Hehe.

Anyway, nobody is in Sheffield. Thankfully Muni and Atie is here to keep me company!! Eza is also still UK, so I planned to frequent her place to put this horrible homesick feeling at bay. Eza's leaving on 10th Sept. Muni and Atie are leaving on 18th if I'm not mistaken. That leaves me at least 7 days of misery before I got to smile again. Oh Allah, please give me strength..

I don't know what this year is going to be like. I am forcing myself to be positive. I am forcing myself to be happy. I am going to enjoy my final year. At least, I am going to try.

Ok this is completely a random entry. Anyway I miss ADAM & AQEF!!!!

*plasticcup* hehe

ciao for now